I Stayed Friends With My Ex: A Case Study

By: Emma Jones - Updated: 22 Dec 2016 | *Discuss

 

Mike, 31, split up with his wife three years ago and moved out of the family home. They have a 6-year-old daughter together and he says they have both made an effort, for her sake, to remain friends.

“Of course, it’s not how you hope things are going to work out. My parents divorced and I really didn’t want to put my daughter through that, but sometimes you just can’t make things work," Mike explained. "My ex and I would have split sooner if it wasn’t for our daughter, but we kept trying to make the marriage work so we could stay together as a family. When we finally came to the realisation that it wasn’t going to, I was heartbroken.”

Moving Out

“I think it helped enormously that we didn’t split up on bad terms. Yes, we fell out of love and didn’t want to be together anymore, but nobody cheated, lied or did something awful. It was really hard going round there, the place that used to be my home, and feeling like a bit of a stranger. My daughter kept asking when I was going to stay over again and that gave me a lump in my throat every time.”

Friendship

“There is no bitterness between me and my ex-wife. It was pretty much a mutual decision for us to end our marriage and there is no sense of blame. I also think that not involving lawyers helped a great deal. I have seen my friends battle it out with their exes and it’s not a pretty sight.

Putting Their Daughter First

“I think that if people focus on what is really important – your child – then there would be less nastiness. It doesn’t benefit anyone and I know from my own experience of my parents splitting up, that children understand much more than you think they do. I mean, I don’t think we are ever going to be like Bruce Willis and Demi Moore, but we respect each other and our daughter enough to be friendly and mature.”

For information on keeping a good relationship with your ex, read our article How to Improve Relations With Your Child's Mother on this site.

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