What Can I Do to Help My Daughter?

By: Chris Nickson - Updated: 27 Sep 2015 | *Discuss

 

Q.

Since separating from my ex-wife I had contact with my daughter every weekend on the condition that I do not take her round to the home I share with my present wife.

A.

This is a very delicate situation, and you’re going to have to tread very warily. Your ex-wife is apparently still very bitter at you, and certainly unhappy about your remarriage, and unfortunately your daughter has become a pawn in this, forced to side with her mother if she wants somewhere to live.

Both you and your ex have Parental Responsibility for your daughter, but in practical and legal terms, the exercise of that diminishes as the child approaches legal adulthood – 18 years of age. This means that any court would give a lot of weight to your daughter’s wishes, should you wish to apply to the court for a contact order allowing your daughter to come to your home. However, before you consider that, you’d be wise to take time and talk to a solicitor.

The ultimate problem with going to court, of course, is that your ex could disown your daughter. Have you considered the idea of her coming to live with you and your wife? Although the law isn’t firm about children of 16 leaving home, it’s unlikely that any court would make her return to your ex, even if she applied for what’s known as an injunction in wardship proceedings. Again, though, if your ex followed through on her threat to disown the girl, she’d then be cut off from her mother. That said, if they’re constantly arguing, your daughter might feel better off in a new home where there’s less tension, and in time her mother might come around.

The very best way to try to sort this out is for you and your ex to sit down together and try to work things through (see Developing An Amicable Relationship With Your Ex on this site). But if three years haven’t mellowed her, the chances for a breakthrough now are quite slim.

In less than two years your daughter will legally be an adult and fully able to make her own choices. At the moment that must seem a long way off to her, and to you; she’s torn between both parents, wanting to love and please both of you, but unable to do so.

There is no easy or simple solution in this case. Whatever the outcome someone will be hurt.

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