Checklist: the Emotional Stages After Separation
Whether you or your partner initiated the separation, breaking up is never an easy thing to do, especially when there are children involved. Even if it was your decision, and you know it is the right thing to do, you will still feel a range of emotions that can be difficult to deal with.
Take a look at our checklist which outlines the most common emotional stages you will experience. Remember that you are not crazy or weak to be feeling this way. It is important to work through your emotions and come to terms with them so that you are able to move on.
1. Denial
The first stage of separation is denial. This can begin even before the break-up, when you are denying to yourself that the relationship is in trouble. You may try to convince yourself that everything will work out or that you will eventually get back together again with your ex. This is a way to protect yourself from hurt.2. Anger
It is natural to feel angry – both at your ex-partner and yourself. It doesn’t seem fair that this is happening to you and you want to blame someone. Anger can be a very destructive emotion, though, so it is important that you channel it constructively and don’t let it tear you apart.3. Guilt
You feel guilty that you let your relationship fail and are breaking up the family – couldn’t you have done more? There is no point racking yourself with guilt. Things happen and it is important to learn from them and make the best of your new reality.4. Fear
Once you have stopped denying the situation or blaming it on someone else, the truth begins to set in. You are on your own again. Out in the big wide world. Away from your child. This can be a scary prospect and you will probably be filled with fear. This is a healthy emotion that will help you decide how to move forward.5. Grief
Even if you wanted the relationship to end, you will still feel a great sense of loss. You will be grieving for the future that you had hoped for and all those dreams that never quite came true. You need to acknowledge your grief and deal with it before you will be able to take the next step.6. Re-invention
When you have been through a break-up many people will face a stage of re-invention. This is the point when you look at yourself and think 'what can I do differently?' or 'how can I make sure this doesn’t happen again?' Considering these things means that you are already on the road to recovery7. Acceptance
Once you have dealt with your emotions – which can take some time – then you will move to a state of acceptance. No, it’s not the way you wanted it to turn out and yes, you probably could have done things differently, but this is where you are now, and you can start focusing on your future.After a separation, you can find yourself on an emotional roller coaster, swinging between anger, guilt, denial and grief. This is natural but it is important to acknowledge and deal with your emotions so that you can reach a place of acceptance and be ready to put the past behind you and look towards the future.
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cindybyrd - 24-Nov-22 @ 12:39 PM
It just happened to me November 18, 2022, My boyfriend that left me a few months ago just came back to me last night crying for me to take him back. My boyfriend left me and I was devastated. The most painful thing is that I was pregnant for him. I wanted him back. I did everything within my reach to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so badly because of the love I had for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to my sister and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back , I had no choice than to try it. I messaged the spell caster called Dr.Excellent, and he assured me there was no problem and that everything will be okay before 28hours. He cast the spell and surprisingly 28 hours later my boyfriend called me. It was so surprising, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that had happened He wanted us to come back together. He also said he loved me so much. I was so happy and went to him that was how we started living together happily again.thanks to Dr.Excellent . if you are here and your Lover is turning you down, or your boyfriend moved to another girl, do not cry anymore, contact Dr.Excellent for help now..
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cindybyrd - 18-Nov-22 @ 10:27 AM
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oliviastephen - 20-Oct-22 @ 10:48 AM
I can’t think of anything more painful or heartbreaking than hearing your husband say “I don’t love you anymore. Or “It’s over. I’m in love with someone else.” Everything I’m going to suggest will sound counterintuitive. But these radical measures are what I’ve seen breathe new life into broken marriages for thousands of women in your distressing situation—and what I did to revitalize my own broken marriage. I was broken the more and needed help by all means because I wasn´t ready to loose my family to that wrench who wants to take my husband from me and from his children, at this point I was already 9 months pregnant with our other baby. and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr.Excellent have helped thousands of Women/Men to get their Ex-lover back.. So messaged the spell caster called Dr.Excellent, and he assured me there was no problem and that everything will be ok, and he told me what is needed to be done and i provide the necessary things. He cast the spell and surprisingly 28 hours later my husband called me. It was so surprising, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that has happened He wanted us to come back together. He also said he loved me so much. I was so happy and went to him that was how we started living together happily again.thanks to Dr.Excellent . if you are here and your Lover is turning you down, or your boyfriend moved to another girl, do not cry anymore, contact Dr.Excellent for help now..Here his contact.WhatsApp: +2348084273514.
cindybyrd - 15-Oct-22 @ 8:24 AM
A private detective
Did I mention, get a private detective?
It’s the best money you’ll ever spend. Their job is to find irrefutable evidence that you can take to court in the event of a divorce. You’ll have pictures, times, dates, locations, and who they’re with, texts, phone records, and possibly emails. These guys do this every day; they’re pros. You could spend a lot of time chasing your tail trying to catch them. These folks can do it in a matter of days. Even if you catch them and want to reconcile, rent a safety deposit box of your own (never a bad idea) and keep what they gave you in there. Chances are, you’ll need it later, I’m sad to say. Prepare for the worst, hope for the best, try and talk to elitecracker12 AT g mail. com and did a good job for me. You can’t go wrong with a detective. Tell them what you need to know, and ask their opinion on what else you should try to get. There are even agencies who specialize in cheating spouses. You’ll get definitive answers, and proof to back it, in case you have to lawyer up and go to divorce court. It definitely increases the chance of you walking out with a nice settlement.
Greenwood12 - 3-Jun-21 @ 9:57 PM
I am asking my wife for divorce next week because she took the kids to Louisiana for five months and won’t come home. We argued quite a bit but mostly due to poor communication between us and overwork on my part.
Can this be rectified?
Jdoe - 22-May-21 @ 1:26 PM
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The Dude - 20-Apr-21 @ 4:16 PM
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Nima - 27-Mar-21 @ 11:48 PM
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Mare - 23-Jan-21 @ 9:01 AM
Please help !!!!
I've been with my wife 13 years, I'm 41 she's 30, we've had some rough patches, however things have been very good for a couple of years. Suddenly she announced she wanted to separate (jumped into bed with a guy 3 weeks later), 3 months on she's got her own place, we have the kids 50/50. She's started dating and sleeping with a new guy and says she doesn't think we will ever get back together. I'm in bits shes my whole world, I can't stop my feelings, do I continue to fight and show her I love her and keep trying to talk some sense into her in the hope she realises what she's left behind or am I being an idiot, I'm in turmoil, I've just been signed off with depression.
Hurt husband - 5-Sep-20 @ 7:20 PM
Been broke up over 3 months. They already had someone else before I left so they have moved on. I am having a really hard time moving on. I have not talked to them in 2 months but they are always on my mind an advise to help move on.
Suer - 4-Sep-20 @ 6:36 PM
Two years down the track of leaving an emotional and physical abuser I'm still being abused but on a whole new level. Ex partner has pressured the whole family to not associate with me. Even though my children are adults, emotional minipulation is a powerful tool abusers use long after their partner leaves. I am not able to see my grand daughter any more as my ex gets along really well with my son enlaw, who took it upon himself to feel empathy for his complaints against me. It caused my son enlaw to make threats against me causing a huge argument and not allowingme to see my grand daughter any more. It was made clear I was not welcome at my father enlaws funeral even though I was a part of the family for 35years and no one will speak to me. My youngest daughter fears isolation from the family so she also supports the negative behaviour towards me. The only possesion I received from my separation was a motorbike which my ex took it upon himself to rub battery acidover it before I could pick it up and kept the keys. Solicitors don't help victims of abuse they only care about how much money they can get out of you. Really hard to rebuild your life when ex partners are abusers.
Void - 15-Aug-20 @ 11:15 AM
@rainonme.people think I have (shut down I haven’t ).people think I was hurt yeah I was at (myself) more then anything for putting up with someone like my child’s mother .all I wanted was to see my (daughter) but she put me in a (difficult situation )where things could spiral out off control and end up in a fist fight with the guy she seeing just so happens to be my uncle see my dilemma?.i really don’t want to fight just wanted to see my daughter (alone on my turf )but most people don’t have a family like mine they all wanted a peace off the pie child’s (mother) more like it .so I will wait to my daughter is 18 .
Billy - 11-Nov-19 @ 7:35 PM
I am the one who filed for divorce. I was emotional at the time and the court process a world wind as I actually filed a tro and later dismissed it. Although DV was in the relationship it wasn’t present towards me at the time I filed. Feeling that I should not continue with the TRO I dismissed the case and tried to communicate to my spouse...we have been talking and I am trying now to reconcile and he has been so hurt by me through this that he has shut down. I think I am in the denial phase. I am suffering from depression and I am just reaching out to him in pain. I look pathetic.
Rainonme - 11-Nov-19 @ 2:24 AM
So, I've looked everywhere for advice and my situation seems to be unique. See I'm a mom or at least that's what I'm supposed to be. My ex and I split up about three years ago and our son is now four. I made the conscious decision to let my son stay with his dad. See I wasn't in a financial position to support myself and my son and since I was the one leaving I wanted things to remain as normal as possible for my son. I nearly died, depression was killing me and the pain was the worst I have ever experienced. But it passed and for a while I seemed okay but I still regret all the moments I have missed. I see me son every second weekend but as he gets older I feel myself distancing from him. He is my child and I love him more than anything but I haven't felt like a mother in a long time. So, I'm not at all unhappy with my decision to leave my ex, he was verbally abusive and destructive but I can't fault him on being a dad. I just want to know if this feeling goes away, this feeling of not fully being a parent anymore.
Alone - 18-Sep-19 @ 2:02 PM
I found out four months ago my husband is a paedophile. We had just moved to Spain to start a new life when it came out. I'm alone back in England and in pieces
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Some parents fail to provide, neglect their parental duties, and betray their families through infidelity and…
Re: How Visitation Rights Work For Fathers
Monitoring your teenager's social involvements is the most committed effort every parent must put to ensure the day…
Re: Communication With Your Children
Monitoring your teenager's social involvements is the most committed effort every parent must put to ensure the day to day…
Re: When Your Ex Gets a New Partner
Trust me when i say, you can link your phone remotely with your narcissistic partner's phone and get full access to all…
Re: Coping With Life as a Separated Dad
Have you ever gotten your bitcoins stolen from your wallet or invested in an ICO that turned out to be a scam, you are…